As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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