dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
