Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
