please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
