I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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