Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
