Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
