Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
