i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
