I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
