I need to stop coming to work sober
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
