Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
