you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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