If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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