It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
