Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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