I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
