and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is Oprah even human
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
