I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
