community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
