my being single is dangerous.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
