okay pat passed out under dana's car
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
