Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
