she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
