I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
