glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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