1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
