I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
