I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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