people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
