Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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