apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
