Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
