Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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