I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
