I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
