I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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