My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
