I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
