I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
