Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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