totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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