sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
