its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
