Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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