they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
