Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
