He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
