Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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