New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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