wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
