his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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