WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
